I chose to sing
Hi, I’m Tamara. And after 11 years of battling cancer… I want to share my story of how I chose to sing.
That’s how I want to start.
Not with a story of pain.
Not with a list of surgeries or medical terms that don’t define me—
But with a choice.
A choice to sing. To dance. To smile. To live.
This blog is more than my story—it’s my love letter.
To life.
To the joy I fought for.
And to the people who helped me hold on to it.
To my parents, Youssef and Mirna—thank you for being my strength when I had none left.
To my twin sisters, Lea and Lana—thank you for being my light and laughter through it all.
To my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and extended family – your love has been my shelter.
To my friends, thank you for showing up again and again, and reminding me that I was never alone.
⸻
On February 2, 2023, over two years ago, I wrote about my story with cancer at a time I was about to have my 8th brain surgery. Little did I know that there were 3 more operations to go before being told by my doctors that there will be no more opportunities to have operations, and that I will resort to cancer treatments only.
I chose on that date to write as this was my way of trying to understand what was happening to me, to hold onto hope, and to speak to the world. Here is what I wrote:
Back in 2015, I got diagnosed with Astroblastoma, a rare and aggressive type of brain cancer. I was so young to understand what cancer really meant and the journey that will be awaiting. Today, 8 years after being diagnosed, I can finally say that I am proud of my mindset, my patience, and most importantly, I am proud of myself. People often point out how strong I am and are very amazed in the way I talk about my battle against cancer. As I grew older, I was faced with several situations where I had to share my story with others, and I noticed how much it empowered them and me. Cancer is truly a very broad term, that many people fear, but in fact, I am grateful for what it has taught me. It taught me patience. It taught me positivity. It taught me gratitude.
Tomorrow, I have my 9th operation. Hearing the news about my cancer recurrence for the ninth time is an experience that I really do not know how to describe. I am numb. When my parents dreadfully told me the news again, I looked at them with emptiness in my eyes, had absolutely no reaction, and started singing the TikTok song that was stuck in my head for the whole day. I was still under shock to comprehend what I had heard, but I thought to myself that I have 2 choices: either to cry about this reality and imagine the pain and dull hospital room or to be positive and think of how powerful I really am to handle my circumstances while being surrounded with my loved ones. With no doubt I chose the positive aspect and will live life to the fullest until the operation, and will continue to enjoy every bit of life post-operation. I have reached a point in life where I accept everything with open arms. My father always told me “God tests the one he loves, and knows that you’re able to overcome this.” Time after time I understand the statement more and more.
Again, this blog is my love letter to life. It’s not about cancer.
It’s about everything that came with it—growth, joy, dreams, travels, dancing in hospital halls, making kids laugh at St. Jude, and living every moment surrounded by love.
I won’t say too much here.
I want you to go into this blog.
Explore it. Feel it.
Maybe cry, maybe laugh, maybe both.
But know that every word, every photo, every post carries a piece of me—and a piece of everyone who stood by me.
This blog began in a hospital room, but it’s not about endings. It’s about keeping the music on.
I chose to sing. Now it’s your turn to listen.
May 1, 2025
Ahmad Afif Zarwi
Tamara.. we may not have met but I have known your story for a while. I can’t believe you left us so early and it was a very tough stage of your life. May you rest in peace ❤️
Maya Nasreddine
She’s an icon of strength ❤️ Her story marked us all.
Fly high and light up the sky with your smile!
Dory chatila
1 st may her soul rest peace , she was really an angel, her face always smiling, she’s very strong and she has a very sweet heart,
Allah yerhama 🙏🙏
God bless her family 😘❤️
Zeinab
I want to condolence Tamara’s family that with the grief of losing daughter a beautiful soul that is loved by everyone who knows her and who does not , she remains alive in everyone’s memory, lets accept she rest from suffering the medication that she passed through Tamara will still be alive and will remain singing in your hearts , she is An angel full of patients and love , she is unique in her experience and will be remembered for always. May her memory be a blessing, and may your hearts find comfort in knowing that she made a difference. May Allah gives her the peace in her new home heaven🙏🙏
Lara al dandachi
You are an angel in heaven Tamara and
a BRAVE brave soul
Honored to have heard your story
Rest in peace Angel ♥️
Mouna hamdan
Un gran ejemplo de lucha , la vi cantando en una video llamada y aprendí a quererla como si la conociera , la lucho hasta que llego el.dia y se nos fue enseñando muchas cosas desde lejos , ella nos dejó una enseñanza te voy a querer siempre . HASTA SIEMPRE QUERIDA TAMARA
Carla Hajj
Tamtam, its crazy how much I learnt from you. You came to this world as a lesson to everyone around you. Your strength, your kindness, the love and care, the smiles you put on our faces. You’re one of a kind. How beautiful it is to leave this world leaving a footprint on each and every person you’ve met, even the ones that don’t know you. As much as it hurts that you’re not around anymore, we know you’re in a pain-free world now. A world as beautiful as your soul.
I miss you so much my twin Tamtam
Fly so high, you beautiful angel 🤍
Abir
To a beautiful Angel named Tamara,
I didn’t have the privilege of knowing you personally, and we never met . but I’ve followed your story through close friends. From everything I’ve heard, you were a truly courageous and beautiful young woman, with a spirit that left a deep impression on everyone around you.
Your story is unlike any other — powerful, inspiring, and heartbreaking all at once. I often found myself wishing I had known you, or that I could have done something to help.
It’s incredibly painful to see someone so full of life leave this world far too soon. You touched more lives than you could ever know, and your memory will continue to live on in the hearts of those who knew and loved you.
Dania Dibsi
Tamara is iconic, her smile throughout her tough journey will always be imprinted in our minds, such a lovely and inspiring soul 🤍
Line
I never met Tamara but I feel like I did. Her positivity and contagious smile made me feel like I did.
Tamara reading your words here feels like a gift. Thank you.
May your soul rest in peace.
To her parents, sisters, family and friends – just know that Tamara’s beautiful soul will live on forever through her powerful impact: her love for live.
Ahmad Nasser
Rest in peace angel 🕊️
Mireille merhej
She was a light in this world . gentle, strong, and full of grace. I watched her grow through pain and still shine like an angel among us. She faced the darkest storms with a courage beyond her years, teaching us all what it truly means to live, to love, and to endure. Her spirit will forever stay with us in every quiet strength, in every kind gesture, in every sunrise that reminds us of hope. Rest in peace, beautiful soul. You were the greatest lesson life ever gave us.
Rola Farhat
Great to have met u Tamara and ur beautiful family members who are by far the best in teaching lessons on love, care , perseverance and resistance… In ur humble words and everlasting smile, you were a magnet to good people who enjoyed your company and miss u tremendously …
Hala Raad
Tamara, your spirit is like no other. I have known you since your young age and you touched me by your empathy for friends and others around you, by your big smile and the humor and giggles that fill a room!
I always pictured you as a butterfly 🦋
By fighting cancer, you gave a lesson of courage and determination. Your continued smile was contagious. Even when it was hard to smile, the smile was always in your heart ❤️
A soldier is never alone on the battlefield.. your wonderful parents and extended family are a lesson of family solidarity, of love, and grace. They all fought with this continued smile on their face no matter how hard, how grieving and how unfair this all was..
Fly high beautiful butterfly 🦋 You have always been & will always be an angel 💖
#i_chose_to_sing – Your music shall live forever 🙏🏻 I love you ❤️
Yasmin Fauze
Tamara, you have always been a diamond on Earth. Rest in peace. We all love you very much ❤️
Raya jamil
Tammy our angel🤍 you brought a smile to this world that left us all in the most positive mindset. U were, still are, and always gonna be the strongest fighter. You had the most contagious smile and the purest heart ever. To know you is to love you ya tammy i hope you are happy watching over us.
Jewel
I really wished I could’ve seen you one last time when I came back to Lebanon Tammy, but unfortunately I couldn’t. At least you’re no longer in pain and finally at peace. I’ll forever hold on to our childhood memories they’ll always have a special place in my heart.
Tina Jafarian
Tamara, you have radiated love and light since I’ve met you in my early childhood. May your beautiful soul rest in peace.
Sarah Al Asmar
I came across this blog by chance. I didn’t know Tamara, but reading her words makes it clear that she was someone who has a deep and beautiful impact. To anyone reading this, I want to share something I’ve learned about grief. It reminds me of a broken arm. At first, nothing feels possible. The pain takes over, and even the smallest tasks feel unmanageable. Then, slowly, we begin to adapt. We find ways to live with one functioning arm. It’s painful and hard, but we do it. Eventually, the cast comes off. The pain doesn’t vanish, on some days, when we exert ourselves, it flares up again as if to remind us that we had a broken arm. But little by little, we learn to move through the world again. The pain never fully disappears, but it becomes part of us. Grief is not linear, and it’s not something to get over. It’s something we learn to live with. And somehow, in time, we find space for joy again too. Tamara’s light clearly lives on in those who knew her. Even to someone like me, a stranger passing through, I felt her light and her presence. 🤍
Nadine Bolbol
I loved you since the day I saw you as a baby. I will never forget you. Ya habibtiii we used to look forward to seeing you in family gatherings. There was always something special about your presence. You taught us so much in your presence and in your absence. You are one of the greatest leasons in our lives. Fly high Tamtam and enjoy your next journey until we meet again❤️
Sara Hatoum
You are love Tamara. May your strength be remembered.
Kinda Khatib
Habibi Tamara may your beautiful soul rest in peace❤️ You deserve to rest. You were a very strong solider and your strength is something so admirable🤍
Khairye waked
Dear Tamara, always thinking of you with love. Your courage and love of life were truly inspiring, and you will always be remembered as a beautiful free soul with your radiant spirit and the love you brought to so many. Your 11 years of battling cancer with such grace and strength is a testament to your beautiful heart. We are so deeply saddened by your loss. Your memory will forever be a blessing. May your beautiful soul rest in the best place in heaven
Diala Chaar
Tamara, you embraced your illness for 11 years with courage and love of life. Your willpower reminds us to live fully despite any struggle.
May your beautiful soul rest in peace and your memory remain a source of strength for us all ❤️
Celine Kanso
Lek i love love you inte w hal smile!!!! God loves you, this is why he picked you for this battle and took you when he knew it was about time you rest at his place. We’ll miss you every single day and we will always long for a smile that genuine and that beautiful but we will find comfort knowing you are in no pain and at peace. Habibet alebna tamtam❤️
Rola Nasreddine
Tamara Ya Tamara what can I say, I had never met you in person, but I always heard about you and your amazing personality, from your uncles Maher, Mazen, as well as Rana and Elissar. You had been an inspiration to all of us, your positivity and unique way in fighting cancer with positive spirit was amazing. You taught everyone how you can fight with a big smile, with faith, with a choice to sing instead of cry. Reading your messages and seeing you photos affected me where I cried for your sufferings and the pain you had during these years, at the same time, I smiled watching your videos and hearing stories from your family and how you gave them strength and spread positivity. I used to text you on Instagram and you always replied with kind message and hearts. I will never forget you and I wish I was in Lebanon to meet you. My sincere condolences to your parents, sisters, uncles, aunts and everyone who loved. You are a role model for strong determined young lady who despite all the sufferings and pain had chosen to live, laugh, sing and enjoy moments with beloved family and friends. May your soul rest in eternal peace and may God grant your parents, sisters and family the patience and ease the pain during this difficult time. Allah yer7amik our sweet angel Tamara.
Juman
I have never met Tamar nor have I known her prior to this post, but wow what a beautiful woman she was… Those words that I’ve read just now left something I cannot explain.. a feeling I cannot explain. May God have mercy on your soul Tamara, I’d like to admit that your words truly changed something about my vision about life today ❤️
– J
Leena Aldohami
Hi Tamara.. I haven’t met you.. but I have been told that you were a worrier & your story has made think about my purpose of life.. your soul will be remembered as a beautiful girl who lived happy life.. and inspired us to live happy life with purpose ❤️🙏🏻 bless your soul
Jad Safa
Our angel Tamara, where do I even begin? You played such a significant and beautiful role in each and every soul who knew you, teaching us how to live life to the fullest, to make every moment full of laughter, smiles, and love. While everyone around you was worried during your battles, you never failed at putting on a show for everyone with your hilarious jokes and gorgeous smile. I’ll never forget the day I visited you at home, when I came into your room with Auntie Mirna, Lana, and a couple of your friends. I remember feeling so nervous that day that I was sweating, because your entire family and close family friends were there and I felt out of place. I made a joke about my nervousness in your room and I’ll never forget the way you looked up at me with the biggest smile and the cutest eyes, and I remember feeling so at ease soon after. It makes total sense that you are the strongest person I’ve ever met, because you come from the strongest and most beautiful family. You are a true inspiration, teaching us all to fight for what we want, for love, for happiness, for success, and to never lose sight of hope. We always hear the famous saying: “There is light at the end of the tunnel”. You are that light Tamara. I promise to continue living life with you always on my mind, as a reminder to never give up on our dreams and to fight, just as you did.
Fly high our angel, may your beautiful soul rest in peace❤️🕊️
Yara Zarrui
Tamy, it feels strange to be typing this, when in my mind, the first thing I’m planning to do once I get home, is seeing you, as usual. It doesn’t seem real to me, yet.
I still remember the day we accompanied you to the hospital for the first time, back in 2015, unaware that it would mark the beginning of a ten-year battle, a battle you faced with indescribable strength and resilience, until your final breath.
Even before your surgeries, your smile never faded. You brought comfort and light to those around you, always thinking of others before yourself.
Thank you for being the sister I never had. Thank you for the endless lessons you taught me. Thank you for being a constant source of strength and inspiration. Thank you for being you ya Tamy. I am very grateful to have grown up with such an exemplary cousin to look up to and to be proud of. I will miss your smile, your presence, your spirit, and your love for life. But I find peace knowing that you are finally free from pain.
Tamtam, you will always be the light of our family. I love you habibi🕊️🤍
Lara Soueid
To Tamara,
Some moments in life happen so unexpectedly, yet they shift the entire course of who we are.
The day I met Tamara was one of those moments.
It was Maher, my childhood friend, who brought me to her. She was in the ICU. The room was quiet, the air heavy. But then I saw her, she smiled. A soft, radiant smile that reached far beyond the silence of the room. I didn’t know it yet, but my life had just changed.
From that day on, I went back. Every day. I didn’t have to. No one asked me to. But something in her, something in her family, called out to me. It felt like home. Slowly, without even realizing it, I became their sister. And Tamara became mine.
I watched her fight the unthinkable. I watched her body weaken, but her spirit soar, so bravely.
I never heard her complain. Not once.
Not when the pain was unbearable. Not when her body was failing her.
All she ever said was “Hamdellah”
Over and over. “Hamdellah.”
In that one word, she taught me more than years of study ever could. She taught me what it means to surrender with grace. To live with dignity. To hold on to faith, even as the world falls apart. “Hamdellah.”
She made me believe in strength,the kind you can’t measure and can barely see.
She showed me what real courage looks like: not loud, not angry, not desperate. But quiet, peaceful, and powerful beyond words.
She inspired me in ways I will never be able to explain.
I didn’t just lose a friend.
I lost a piece of my heart.
Tamara, you made me feel things I didn’t know I was capable of feeling. You made me realise the kind of doctor I want to become, not just someone who prescribes and diagnoses, but someone who truly sees the patient. Who feels with them. Who walks with them through every shadow.
Because of you, I know what it means to love a patient like family.
Because of you, I know that healing isn’t just in medicine: it’s in presence, in holding someone’s hand, in showing up again and again, even when you’re afraid.
Because of you, I will be an oncologist not just by profession, but with purpose.
Your absence is loud, Tamy. It echoes in every room you once lit up.
But your love is louder.
Your impact… eternal.
You were too rare for this world. Too good. Too pure.
But I promise you this: your light didn’t go out.
It lives in me. It lives in every patient I’ll ever meet.
I will carry your love into every hospital room, every late-night shift, every diagnosis, every recovery, every presentation, every loss and every win.
I will carry you.
On the last day, I brushed your teeth and gently wiped your mouth. It was such a small act, but that day, it felt different. Sacred, somehow. I didn’t know it would be the last time I’d kiss your soft, chubby cheeks or feel the warmth of your hands resting in mine. I wish I had held on a little longer. I always had this ache in my heart: a quiet, stubborn need to protect you, to shield you from even the tiniest discomfort. All I wanted was for you to be okay, to feel safe, and at peace. And though I couldn’t stop what was coming, I pray you felt how deeply you were loved. I pray you knew, in those last moments, that we were all there for you. Forever and always.
To Léa, Lana, Mirna, and Youssef
I don’t have enough words to thank you for opening your arms and hearts to me during the most painful chapter of your lives. You welcomed me and loved me like one of your own. In the warmth of your home, in the quiet strength of your tears, in every smile you gave Tamara, I found a second family.
Léa and Lana, you are the sisters I never knew I needed. Your love for Tamara is limitless, your bond unbreakable, and through you, I witnessed what real sisterhood means.
And Mirna, Youssef: your strength, your grace, your faith through it all… you raised an angel. Tamara was who she was because of you.
You are my second family now. And I will never stop loving you.
And I promise you, I will carry Tamara with me forever.
Thank you, Maher, Léa, Lana, Youssef, and Mirna, for letting me into her world.
Thank you, Tamara, for changing mine.
Until we meet again, my angel,
Your sister. Always.
❤️ I love you Tamtam ❤️